Sitting in bed talking with Jon. 'Baby' Shortie is taking over most of the bed snuggled up with Jon while Mocha Dog is laying over my feet. I keep pressing rewind on my thoughts. Did all that really just happen? It doesn't seem possible. I keep asking myself if I imagined yesterday, if I imagined the talk we had at this very hour a week ago tonight, if I imagined the last 7 weeks...
Maybe in part that is why I chose to blog about it earlier today. If I type it and make it public I have to confront it. I can't downplay it in my mind. I can't run away from it. Jon has handled this with so much more strength than I ever could. He says its only due to years of disappointments. You can't mourn a relationship you lost years ago. However I am shocked. I've realized that I was fighting for Andrea to have a relationship with Jonathan... I knew he was going to be okay not having one with her because that's how it had been and he really is an amazing man. A strong amazing Christian man! I just wanted her to see the value in him. To see what a superb father he was, to see him love and cherish his children. What a blessing for a mother to see their son grow up to be such a light to the world and to his own family.
I have never understood how a family member could just cut out another like they didn't exist. Of course I could recognize that I didn't know all the facts, but I know the love I have for my family and I would do anything for them. So I just naive and ignorant to what would get a family to that point. Tonight I think about friends who at young ages have lost a parent and would do anything to have them back for just one day. I can only imagine what they think of this situation. What seems to be a choice to 1. cut yourself out of your sons life and 2. our choice to cut her out from our life from this day on. Its even hard for me to wrap my head around...
Yet at the same time, by making this public I have heard other stories of families struggling through very similar situations. The heartbreak is a lot more common than I could have imagined.
When this all started I struggled with telling anyone for fear of tainting their imagine of Andrea, and also my husband and our family. Andrea created her own reputation. Her failures are not those of Jon's. Her failure to value him or my children is her failure alone and no fault of my family. I will continue to remind myself in moments of weakness and lack of clarity that she alone dug her own grave. If I ever struggle with feeling like we did the wrong thing I know I can turn to any of you reading this blog and you will remind me that this all really did happen...
As Jon has said, a day turns into a week, a week into a month, and a month into a year. Before I know it this will all be a faint memory and our life that we love so dearly will be moving forward. We will be okay.
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